Burqa And Stilettos

Watch Beauty and the East’s Coverage of the Arab American Comedy Festival.

There is some seriously funny stuff here.  I applaud the comedians and the organizers for putting the show together in this polarized political environment where everyone takes themselves way too seriously.  Sometimes the best way to connect people is through comedy and to show the commonality in all of us.  Enjoy!

Prologue (From As It Comes)

By Cecelia Falls – Writer and Poet

There is no warmth in unwanted touch.  Flesh doesn’t rise to meet flesh, to greet warmly with small hairs standing up, reaching out eagerly.  Unwanted touch is cold and foreign, hard and abrasive like sandpaper, like bones, like death.

I am in the tub.  I can see myself from the corner of the ceiling.  The smallness of me.  My color the only color in the big white room.  My hair damp and tight and I am smiling.  No, I am not.  I am not smiling.  But I should be.  I love the water.  But I am not smiling.

I already know to keep my legs closed tight—my thigh muscles flexed.  I am not smiling.  I am waiting for him.  Waiting for him to bend down and fall to his knees.  Waiting for his dry hand to touch my shoulders.  Cold.  I cannot see him.  My head is down or up and eyes straight ahead.  I cannot see him.  I will not feel him pry my legs apart with his dry cold hand.  It is easy for him—one hand.  I feel his bones, dry and hard underwater.  He is between my legs and then inside me and I cannot see him.  I can only feel his bones.  He is hurting me.

I hear his breathing.  Small pants like a dog after a quick run.  Like a dog waiting for a treat.  I hear him.  His fingers hurt, but I won’t feel him.  His breath comes faster, so eager, like a dog.  And then he stops, each breath slowing.  My legs come together tighter, so tight and then there is nothing until I hear the door close.

I hear myself sing softly.  I see my hands spread flat and open.  I see them smack the water and then there is water everywhere and I am shouting and splashing and singing so loud.  And then she comes in.  She is exasperated, her breathing fast and shallow.

“Look at this mess you’ve made!  Get out of that tub, now!”

She reaches for me.  I feel her grab my arm, almost flinging me from the tub to the tile, white and cold.  The towel wraps quickly around me but I can still feel her fingers digging hard into my arm even though she is now drying me, only mildly upset at the water everywhere.

I think she is jealous, misreading my display as childhood freedom, self-expression, fun.  So she smiles at me.

“I can’t believe you made such a mess.”

I can feel her fingers in my arm though she has walked away and I stand alone, wrapped in the towel, the floor wet.

She returns with a mop.

“Go to your room”.

I do this.  I put on the pajamas she has laid out for me on the bed.  I get into the bed, rubbing my arm where I still feel her fingers.  I hear her sigh loudly.

“There is always a new mess.”

She is more correct than she knows.

Today, Oprah, on her show had security expert Gavin de Becker speaking about domestic abuse and violence.   He spoke about the  four signs that are often missed. Still, he says these are not the only signs a relationship may become violent. For a full assessment, please take Gavin’s MOSAIC test.

Bumps and bruises aren’t the only surefire signs you or someone you love is in a dangerous relationship. In fact, if your gut tells you something is wrong, it probably is.

Physical Violence
Many consider pushing or hitting a major clue that your partner is capable of violence—but Gavin says it’s more than that. “It is the end of the mystery. Being hit is conclusive. It’s over. The assessment is done,” he says. “Being hit doesn’t work in relationships, and it usually doesn’t get better.”

Symbolic Violence
Symbolic violence is the destruction of objects to intimidate the other person. ” The destruction of tearing up wedding pictures. You come home and the wedding gown is torn up,” he says. “[If someone throws] a television out a window, the message is, ‘I can throw you out the window.’”

Fast-Paced Relationships
If you think you could be in a dangerous relationship, look back at when the other person began discussing marriage, moving in together and having children. “When the pace is accelerated like that in the beginning, that is itself a control strategy,” he says. “And women feel uncomfortable and they’ll tell you: ‘Yeah, I felt it was a little bit fast, but what could I do? He loved me so much.’”

Persistence
If he won’t take no for an answer, it’s not because he’s smitten. “Anybody who doesn’t hear the word no is trying to control you,” Gavin says. “Persistence does not mean you are special. Persistence means he is troubled.”

Gavin says the word “no” is different for men and women. “When a man says no, it is the end of a discussion. When a woman says no, it is the beginning of a negotiation,” he says. “A woman who buckles there … is likely to buckle again and again and again. And he learns when you say no you don’t mean no.”

Gavin says some women misinterpret persistence as flattery. “What do most women do with persistence is they say: ‘Well, he calls me so often. He writes to me so often. He’s always talking about me. He’s always getting me gifts,’” he says. “Gifts like a car that he owns, he controls—he’s got the navigation system on. Gifts like a phone [so] that he can tell where you are, that he can always reach you.”

Need help? Visit TheHotline.org or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE

From The Oprah Winfrey Show “Stay Alive” Expert Gavin de Becker Unveils the New Tool to Keep You Safe

SAVE THE DATE

Groundbreaking Afghan and Iranian American Writers Celebrate Now Ruz, the Persian New Year

The Asian American Writers’ Workshop, the Association of Iranian American Writers, the Association of Afghan American Writers, and Arte East are sponsoring A New Day: Readings by Afghan and Iranian American Writers.

Join the celebration that will bring together the deeply entwined histories of Afghan and Iranian cultures and the experiences of life in diaspora.  “This reading is inspired by our desire to forge new artistic collaborations in the US, where the breadth and insight of our many stories are most urgently needed,” said Zohra Saed, co-director of the Association of Afghan American Writers.

WHAT: A New Day: Readings by Afghan and Iranian American Writers

WHO:

• Aphrodite Desiree Navab – Greek-Iranian-American poetic prose writer
• Firoozeh Kashani-Sabet – Iranian-American novelist, professor of Middle Eastern history and Director of the Middle East Center at the University of Pennsylvania
• Naheed Elyasi – Afghan-American writer, and founder of Burqa and Stilettos
• Sedika Mojadidi – Afghan-American writer, producer, and documentary filmmaker
• Sahar Muradi – Afghan-American writer, activist, and co-editor of the Anthology of Contemporary Afghan American
• Dalia Sofer – Best-selling author of The Septembers of Shiraz

WHEN: Friday, March 12, 2010, 7 PM

WHERE: Asian American Writers’ Workshop

16 W32nd St, Suite 10A New York, NY 10001

$5 cover charge. A collection will also be taken to support the Committee to Protect Journalists (cpj.org)

A New Day: Readings by Afghan and Iranian American Writers will be hosted by Zohra Saed, co-director of the Association of Afghan American Writers, and Manijeh Nasrabadi, co-director of the Association of Iranian American Writers.

I haven’t seen Four Lions yet, and and will try to get my hands on it asap, but the trailer is amusing and interesting. Four Lions by British comedian, Chris Morris, tells the story of a group of jihadists who pursue their dreams of glory. As the wheels fly off, and their competing ideologies clash, what emerges is an emotionally engaging farce.

Four Lions is based on three years of researching surveillance materials from major trials, and meetings with everyone from imams to ex-mujahedeen. Four Lions goes beyond seeing these young men as alien or evil, instead, it portrays them as human beings.

Some people may not find it funny. The best defense is a better offense and nothing is better than humor, if it’s done well. Frankly, the heated debates, the blame games, and the angry tirades are not working, but only making people and attitudes more polarized. Why not try something new to show the absurdity of it all?

If anyone has seen this, I’d love to hear your opinions.

A belief is a thought you have over and over again.  How are your thoughts limiting or advancing you in your life?

Burqa and Stilettos is a community for modern and contemporary Muslim, South Asian, and Middle Eastern women to connect, share, and inspire by bringing to light issues and challenges that many of us face growing up in the West.

Issues such as:

• physical, emotional, sexual, and psychological abuse

• domestic violence

• repression of sexuality

• dating/marrying outside one’s race and religion

• disownment

• being ostracized by being too religious or not religious enough

• honor killings and/or fear of being killed for simply living one’s life

• sexual orientation

It’s not about a religion or Islam per se. It is about understanding our roots, the culture we grew up in, and finding our own place in the soup of the burqa and the stiletto.

Although the letters are there, Burqa and Stilettos is about cutting through the BS. It is about who we all are. It’s about lifting the invisible veil and revealing our reality. It’s about finding our collective voice and empowering ourselves.

So, my fellow burqa and stilettos sisters, lets start talking.

All views invited.